Well, it seems like the Earps, Doc Holiday, and the Clanton Brothers are at it in the cyberworld. We should say, in this case, the RIAA and the motion picture industry versus the likes of Napster, Gnutella, Freenet, Mp3.com, Scournet and hosts of hangers-on on both sides - legal guns drawn, trigger fingers itching for the showdown.

For many of us, weary of the neverending world of lawyers, it would seem like there ought to be a tech fix for all this. If you're worried about your car getting stolen, you get a clever alarm system like Lojack, Viper, or Onstar. The same with your house - if someone breaks the window seal, the alarm goes off, and cops come crowding in. At the very least, you can stake yourself behind the door with a shotgun - the NRA is good for something. My lawyer once told me, if you encounter an intruder, shoot to kill - otherwise he'll sue you.

But if you're worried about your Pulitzer Prizewinning ideas being stolen from your website, not to mention your Emmy and Grammy eligible videos and music, what can you do? With the current set of auto-giveaway programs out there, who can prevent it?

Actually, you can, in ways from the extreme that can put you in court to the frustrating that will only slow down the cyber-brigands. Let's start with the former, because getting even is definitely more fun. If you don't want people ripping off your stuff, why bother with a wimpy watermark? That means you'd have to locate the perpetrator and sue. That takes too much money. Instead, just attach a virus to your stuff that will make the perpetrator deeply sorry of his brief nefarious involvement. Rip off my stuff, watch your machine melt. Feels good.

But, hey, that's borderline illegal, or so they say, even if you post a warning (which would only be a challenge). Even in the real world, posting "Cave Canem" does not excuse you from responsibility for your pit bull's ripping some duly-warned person's arm off. Like my lawyer said, shoot to kill, or you're in trouble.